My story, from not feeling good enough to live a higher purpose, to discovering radical self-acceptance, a pathway to living a higher purpose for my life.
Summary of the story. This is a true story about me, a person who grew up never feeling he was good enough but simultaneously, he felt he had a big purpose to his life. To make a difference in the world. Yet not feeling good enough stopped him from living his heart’s truth for many years, until he found the pathway of Radical Self Acceptance. This pathway allowed me to start living a life of meaning and purpose.
My reason for sharing this story is to inspire you to the fact that, when you get to a place of radical self-acceptance, you gain access to limitless possibilities. A space within oneself where anything is possible, particularly in the realm of living a life that matters.
This is a story that quite frankly I’m nervous to tell. I want to edit it. It doesn’t feel good enough but I’m going to let my heart rule by sharing my story unadulterated. It feels like I’m coming out. My ego is like If you don’t make it perfect and if you don’t come across as having it all sorted, no one is going to listen to you. So please bare with me as I attempt to tell my story. Feeling vulnerable!
As a child, I experienced some very traumatising events. My environment was not conducive for any child, to say the least, or that’s the way that I perceived it anyway. At the age of 4, I experienced sexual abuse at the hands of a neighbour. Not exactly the best start to life.
And then there was the wrath of a very angry father. Feeling unsafe and unloved was a constant feeling as a kid. Feeling abandoned is what they call it in professional circles. With my mother, it was better but I constantly felt she would never take my side. I couldn’t trust her.
Then to add to this not so nice childhood, I also developed a stammer in my single digit years. I was unable to get my words out fluently. You’ve probably heard of Gareth Gates, the singer. Well, my speech was like his. This stammer was probably brought on by a mix of the above events that I experienced but also by the fear of getting in trouble if I spoke my mind.
Then I suffered years of bullying in schools due to my sheer lack of confidence as a result of the stammer. Then in an attempt to be accepted by my parents, I went to University to do a degree that I ended up getting a third in. Served me right for not listening to my entrepreneurial spirit. In my early 20’s it was just too scary to go against what my family expected of me. All I had been taught was that I had to be a professional white collar guy, even if that meant I had to sell my soul. Happiness was never part of the equation.
In my mid 20’s, with my inauthentic life catching up with me, I started to slide into depression. Suffering from anxiety and fear that my life was over. I would amount to nothing. I become suicidal. Nevertheless, praying in whatever way I knew was the only option that was preventing me from suicide, Not saying that I would have committed such an act, but I was definitely in a dark place. I wasn’t even religious but my last resort was to call upon the dude or dudette in the sky.
Eventually, after much pain and suffering, I started to awaken to the realisation that my problems were internal phenomena. Hence I started to spend time sitting in solitude. This triggered a decade of spiritual and emotional/mental transformation. A large part of this journey was that my intuition gave me two words called Emotional Acceptance. This process allowed me to heal my stammer. It also enabled me to heal the childhood abuse and the relationship that I had with my father from the inside out.
If there was a theme, I’d say I went from never feeling good enough to self-acceptance. I see self-acceptance as a practical form of self-love. I was able to let go of feelings of inadequacy, not feeling loved, not feeling good enough in any scenario and overall just lacking self-worth. I turned this all around.
Although I have experienced a huge upward change in how I feel about myself, from time to time, there are shallower versions of these programs that get triggered such as when I was about to write this story but the difference now is, I have the tools and the experience to deal with it. All with proof that my life is on an upward trajectory, with a few minor blips on the way.
What I didn’t mention earlier, was that the other theme that has been very strong in my life, particularly over the last 15 years, has been a sense of higher purpose. As I developed a deeper spiritual connection to myself, the feeling that I was meant to be making a difference to humanity just become stronger and stronger.
Over the years I tried to act on this calling but I kept failing as the feeling of not being good enough, always got the better of me. Mr sabotage and Mr. Procrastination were always present. Eventually, as I applied emotional acceptance to my life, I started breaking the stranglehold of not feeling good enough. But I must say, for many years these feelings disguised themselves as “the project is not good enough”. As I gained awareness, I realised that I was just projecting my own inadequate feelings on these projects and the world at large. Lying to myself.
This journey self-acceptance eventually allowed me to stop doing jobs that were frankly soul destroying, Yes there were well-paid jobs on the way but they were not what I was meant to be doing, What dawned upon me was that success had to be with my heart in the middle.
I started to live my dream of impacting other people. As I turned 30, which was 6 years ago, I quit the corporate sales jobs I was doing and decided to burn my boats in pursuit of the calling that I felt in my heart.
I started to coach & guide people to solve their life’s problems and live their truth. The theme that my coaching took was one of a unique path of emotional transformation. Having experienced so much pain and suffering in my life, I had the awareness that ultimately the most important thing in the world was to feel good. So I started teaching others the emotional acceptance tool so that they could transform how they felt about themselves and their life. Obviously not without many ups and down along the way, I was able to earn a good living doing what gave me joy and something that I knew was my path. I felt a fulfillment that no other job had ever given me. Hearing my clients rave about me to other people was very satisfying and more satisfying was the difference I was able to make to their lives.
Along with this, I have been blessed with the opportunity to impact people through my speaking engagements. And the irony is that people come up to me afterward and say, it seems like you are a natural born speaker. If only you knew, I chuckle.
Now I’m 36 old and having already coached a plethora of individual clients. Teaching and coaching them my Mind The Gap Methodology and the Feel It Process, all in service of getting them to a space of Radical Self-Acceptance.
With all my love, I care