I’m writing this post to give myself permission to write really rubbish, crap, shit stuff for my blog. As I write, my ego is saying “that’s all good but make it really good shit with diamonds sprinkled on top”. The irony.
My mind is trying its best to really sound impressive but I want to cross this line out because it just isn’t perfect. I’m meant to know my shit. Sorry for the profanity. I meant stuff. I’m meant to be an expert in all things psychological, emotional & spiritual. After all I’ve pulled myself out of the deep doodoo over the last decade. I have an image to uphold. 😉 I’m destined to help raise consciousness for millions of peeps. Build company’s that change the face of our planet. That’s been my knowing since I was a young person.
I give myself permission to make grammatical errors. After all I have an excuse. I only got a D in GCSE English. I’m not meant to be very good at this writing malarkey. Phew! No expectations. My school teacher wouldn’t be disappointed.
Perfection is often a disease that plague’s all of us. Yes all of us folk apart from the enlightened bunch. And even then, those that think they are enlightened, wouldn’t be thinking it if they were. Paradox!
In the last few days, since I launched my personal blog/website, I’ve found my self in a very funky place. Not funky in a good way. If you’ve read my previous post Blog that took 10 years to write you’ll know that me launching my name sake blog was quite an achievement because I didn’t like my self & my name very much a few years ago.
Now that I love myself (lol. Seriously I do in a non narcissistic way), over the last few days I’ve got myself caught in celebrity status in my head. “I’m famous, I got a blog with my own cool header. I got over 40 likes on fb & my website got a mammoth 100 odd individual hits in one day”. A space of buying into my own hype. I should know better. I’ve coached 100’s of clients to overcome emotional, psychology & spiritual traps. Screw that, I’m starting over like a newbie because since I posted my first blog, I’ve wanted to rekick start my public speaking career and I’ve wanted to post loads of new blogs/articles that I’ve had ideas about but to no avail.
And as I look to emulate this perfect environment in my work, it fails me. Just a while ago, I was with my friend Adam. We often coach each other through “stuff”. That’s the technical term for ” I’m feeling stuck, can you help me”. I explained my mental block thats been coming up over the last few days about not being able to meet the public demands for a masterpiece. 😉
He told me to go into the unconscious and see what the fuss was all about. The belief that bounced up from my unconscious was “I won’t be supported if It’s not good enough”. Knowing how to heal such blocks, I managed to eliminate this belief and then replace it with ” I’m supported unconditionally ” and “I can do no wrong, no matter what”.
The point that I’m trying to make is, at every stage in life there is likely to be unconscious resistance to putting your life’s work out there in the public domain. That’s the deal that self-evolution has made with us. I just read a brillant blog about this by Mark manson . After all, we spent years in our youth being conditioned to believe that we won’t be accepted or loved if we are not good enough. So as you and I venture into this new terrain, we will be faced with unconscious fears that make us feel that we will literally die or be killed if we put imperfect work out into the world. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is endearing to people, so put your guard down by being imperfect. We got to many ” perfect” people in the world anyway.
I won’t go into much detail here but I’ll give you a clue on how to deal with perfection. One, give yourself permission to screw things up. Allowing yourself to contradict yourself and look like a fool. I do 🙂 Second, befriend the feelings of resistance. They carry wisdom. They want to be heard hence why they rear their ” ugly head”.
Anyway, there you have it. I’ve managed to write a masterpiece after all this mental debacle. I look forward to sharing many masterpieces disguised as shit articles. 🙂 My ego is being inflated and deflated simultaneously, so I can’t decide which one. It’s happening to quick. Bit like one of those flicky picture books.
Please do comment. Tell me what perfection are you holding on to? What fear holds it up?
Lots of perfect imperfect love.